By Jody Suhrheinrich, Crazy Cat LadyNovember 29, 2011
Dating Advice Disguised as an Essay on Why You Should Spay and Neuter Your Pets
You should spay and neuter your pets. Why? Because if you don’t you will become the crazy cat lady. If you are not a lady, you will become guy-with-all-the-cats. No one will think this is cool, except you. And your cats.
If I may first address the cat problem, I’ll explain. The facts are cats can accumulate in your home much faster than dogs, mainly because cats are smaller but also because cats slobber less and can poop on their own time. My research also shows that cats with unmodified genitals have the uncanny ability to absorb any and all dating skills you may have once possessed and use them for their own procreation. Thus your female kitty will produce kittens, which are scientifically impossible to resist. Thus you will attain more cats. Or THUS if you have a male kitty people will know you like kitties and show up with impossibly cute kittens which need homes, which you will THUS keep.
As this equation clearly demonstrates, un-spayed or neutered cats = one human life living solely for their cats, which subtracts the amount of dates. And increases the amount of poop in a box. Squared.
You might think you don’t like cats, but as the cat population increases so too does the likelihood of you one day owning a cat. Then you will either smarten up or learn to love cats or you will still hate them and get rid of said and then that cat will make more cats which will just be bad for you since you hate cats anyway.
Now the above formula does also apply to dogs, but the statistics I did not look up for this article state that the ratio of kitties without homes far exceeds the ratio of doggies without homes. I am also an expert on this topic because I took a high school level Anatomy class in which we dissected cats. When I questioned the humanity of 17 year olds cutting open cat carcasses just to see what they looked like, I found out that cats are killed in such abundance that they had more dead cat bodies than the Humane Society could properly dispose of.
In conclusion the more doggies and kitties replicate the less homes are available for them to takeover. So then they get killed. Either by car, euthanasia, disease or Cruella Deville. So even if you say you love animals so much you don’t want to hurt them by putting them through a painless veterinary procedure, the suckier animal person you actually are because you are actually killing more animals. And killing animals is wrong. The end.
