We know you single folks are busy. iList Paducah's Kelsie Gray goes on that first date so you don't have to!

December 6, 2011

Nikki May

Those of you who haven’t swilled too much eggnog, given birth, or slept since then might remember that our very own, illustrious Nikki May was iDate of the Week a mere two years ago. In that time span, Nikki has occasionally been a little less single. More notable, however, is the fact that she has ALWAYS been awesome and has, somehow, gotten even MORE awesome as the years have rolled by.

Also notable is that Mary Thorsby and Monica Bilak swore to take charge of Nikki’s love life, and the shameful truth is…they failed. Now I’m in charge, and my battle cry is thus: eligible gentlemen (and possibly ladies) of the Ohio Valley, time is of the essence! It’s December. Season of light, season of love, and season of drunken soirees in smoky, mildly unsavory establishments. While Nikki is not opposed to locking bourbon-tinged lips with strangers in basements and bars, she’d much rather stand under the mistletoe or ring in the New Year with a deserving chap (whose name she knows! Regardless of who it is, though, know this: bourbon-tinged lips are always a plus.

Liking dead things, pugs, and hot wax doesn’t hurt, either.

Most people know about your love of dead things, your fabulous boots, and your glass dildo (or DO they??). What’s ONE thing you definitely want a potential date to know about you?

Hmmmm….only one thing? I guess I’d say that I’m probably not who you think I am. Even though I put EVERYTHING out there so you think that you know me, I’ll surprise you. As difficult as it may be to believe, I actually do have a private side that takes a while to come out.

I know you hate Christmas, but everyone likes presents. What’s the one thing you’ve always wanted for Christmas but have never received?

Well, I don’t celebrate Christmas, and my birthday is often during Hanukkah, so the gifts usually get all jumbled up together… I started to answer this question by saying that nobody has taken the time and forethought to truly surprise me with a gift, but then I remembered my 40th birthday party…

Since this is my website and I’m the final editor, I’m turning this question around and will tell you about the most surprising and best gift that I’ve ever received — and how it went horribly wrong!

On second though, I’m going to let Aynex tell the story herself! She blogged about it here. There are photographs. There’s even video! To get the whole story you’ll want to click on each of the following three links in order. (THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK; PLEASE DO NOT CLICK IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED.)

And what’s the worst gift someone could possibly give you?

The obvious answer would be getting arrested in a “borrowed” hearse at my birthday party and forcing me to go to the jail on my actual birthday to retrieve my camera.

Another terrible one – I had a first (and last) date once with someone who brought me one of those cheesy “crystal” and “gold” roses (example to the right!) you see at the checkout counter at drugstores and a copy of a Winnie the Pooh book. Seriously?

Following with our holiday theme, last Christmas, you made out with a fellow iDater in my creepy basement at my black tie party (we like to keep it classy around here). Since the aforementioned party is only a mere week away, what can a guy do to woo your socks off if he wants to make it to first base with you in the aforementioned creepy basement?

Well, to start off with, I’m more likely to respond to a gift of a dead bug or a bouquet of bones than I am to a glass rose!

That’s right. I just said “first base.” Do you remember your first kiss?

First REAL kiss with actual tongue involved was in 7th grade with a cute boy named Brian with shaggy blonde hair. North Palm Beach, Florida. On the beach, sitting in a discarded rowboat turned on its side. There may have also been a tentative reach toward second base…but I’ll never tell! Mostly because he’s now my friend on Facebook and may be reading this. Hi Brian L!

Alright. That’s enough reminiscing. You’re pretty easygoing, but I know you have some deal breakers when it comes to dating/relationships. What are your top three?

1. I’m very vocal about my atheism - so you’ve got to understand that about me and know that I’ve never been compatible with anyone who really is a believer. And no, you are not going to convince me otherwise.

2. I love kids and I don’t mind if you have them. In fact, I was a great stepmother for a while - but I have no desire to squeeze one out myself, so if you are looking for someone to have kids with, I’m not your woman! Besides, my eggs are going to be 44 years old in a few days - I’m sure they’ve expired!

3. No more British guys needing green cards. Once is enough, right? Well, maybe twice.

And what about the top three deal MAKERS?

1. If you are creative in any way – art, music, whatever… that’s a big turn-on for me. Play the guitar and sing to me? Or at least be interested in my art and supportive of my need for the time and space to work on it. Extra points for enjoying going to galleries and museums with me!

2. Be smart, funny, literate, interested in learning and growing and trying new things.

3. I hate to have to state the obvious, but let’s cover the basics: be employed, have a place to live, a vehicle to drive – or at least the ability to get around on your own, have all your teeth. Etc.

We’re nearing the end, and we haven’t yet talked about the fact that your house has no kitchen. How do you rectify your love of bacon with the inability to prepare bacon in the comfort of your own home?

I decided that I needed additional studio space more than I needed a kitchen I never used. I have a small house, and that full sized fridge that held nothing but leftovers and condiments took up a lot of space. So did the oven I never used. Besides, you bring me soup and quiche, I have other friends who cook dinner for me, and Paducah has some great restaurants… Besides, Artisan Kitchen/Shandies has the best bacon EVER!

You recently discovered bourbon and all its wonders (so happy for you!). How is a good man like a good sip of bourbon?

Excellent question! Well, here’s what I’ve discovered about bourbon in my short tenure as an appreciator… we’ll see if the same holds true about potential dates. I don’t like the cheap stuff, it’s too cloyingly sweet and has absolutely no depth to it. I like the expensive small batch bourbons I’ve tried – they sneak up on you with their depth. A little bit sweet, a little bit spicy, with a warmth that builds as you get to know them.